Coming Out About Comparisons

Make sure you read Part One and Part Two of this series as well.

Skies

Scrolling through social media and blogs has the ability to make even the greatest, most accomplished, most patient, most crafty, most musical, most over-achieving moms feel inadequate.  The reason is quite simple: the internet rarely tells the whole truth.

We all post photos about our greatest accomplishments, not our deepest failures.

Do you want to see the pile of laundry on my bathroom floor OR my daughter reading to her little brother?  Do you want to see how the puppy chewed up yet another toy all over the living room floor OR the craft the kids did?  Do you want to see my child throwing a fit on the floor OR my baby smiling beautifully for the camera?  The answers to these questions is obvious.

No one wants to see the hard stuff. 

It might be a nice change of pace to see a post or read something about someone who has embraced the fact that life is messy and chaotic, but these are few and far between.  More often than not, we see happy smiling children eating homemade treats while doing crafts in a beautifully decorated home.  Forget the fact that in the other room is a dog chewing up a dirty diaper (Not that I know anything about that…).

As a mother, it is difficult not to compare yourself to other women who seem to have it all together.  But I will tell you the truth: even the most perfect mom in the world has her bad days.

I openly admit to having a Super Mom Complex.

I pin so many amazing ideas on Pinterest, but will never have enough time in my life to do them all.  I love to sew and craft, but leave projects unfinished.  I menu plan and then end up eating out for dinner.  I do crafts with my kids and get frustrated when they make a mess.  I homeschool and some days I want to give up.  I make green smoothies and then eat candy bars.  I snuggle my kiddos and then tell them to go into the other room to give me a few minutes of peace.  I succeed and I fail, but I always get back up again.

This is what parenting is all about.

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do.
The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things.
But we can all do small things, with great love,
and together we can do something wonderful.”

~Mother Theresa

It isn’t about what you do, it is about how you do it.  Stop comparing yourself to other moms.  We all have different gifts and abilities.  No two moms are the same.  No two people love the same or need love in the same ways.  Work with what you have.  Embrace it.

Be the best parent and person you can be
and forget about what everyone else is doing. 

Of course, you won’t be able to do this every day and some days you will feel completely inadequate once again.  But do not be discouraged.  We all have days like this.  This is normal.  The most important thing a parent can do, above anything else, is to love their children and to teach them that God loves them more than they can even imagine.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God;
and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
In this the love of God was manifested toward us,
that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world,
that we might live through Him.
In this is love, not that we loved God,
but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us,
we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:7-11 (NKJV)

13 thoughts on “Coming Out About Comparisons

  1. Matushka Anna

    LOL, Michelle, even knowing the worst (because you’ve been pretty open over the years), you still intimidate me!! Our failures always look bigger to us than they do to others. (((hugs)))

    Reply
    1. Michelle McCallum Post author

      Trust me, Mat Anna, I am a big, fat failure a lot of the time! :) I just don’t sleep enough, that is why I can accomplish what I do. I also do not do laundry well AT ALL. I’d rather sew than make sure my husband has underwear- true story!

      Reply
  2. monica

    my youth pastor said when you compare yourself to someone, you never come out even. either you are better or you are worse than them. thanks for these good, honest posts.

    Reply
  3. vickig

    I hear you about the sewing! LOVE IT!!! I heard something similar to monica’s pastor’s comment that comparing never works: either you end up glad you are better than the other person (pride) or disappointed that you are worse than them (despair). I try to work on that but it is hard! I think in such an emotionally driven job as motherhood you just want to be the BEST (for your children of course!) but at the same time it is such a thankless and humbling job that we constantly look out to others for either affirmation or solutions…how can you not compare in these circumstances? I agree with you the cure to this is to do what you do with love, to keep getting back up….and to asking for God’s help and giving HIm the credit! Hang in there Mama! I can definitely see the love behind your posts! In Christ, vicki

    Reply
  4. Mandy

    I have read all three posts…WONDERFUL! I just announced on my blog that I am letting it go. One of the main reasons is because my life feels like what you describe in these posts. I need to dig deep into REAL life. The virtual world is not REAL. My Sam is exactly what you describe…I understand. Thank you for sharing these posts…I really needed it this morning.

    Reply
    1. Michelle McCallum Post author

      I am glad you enjoyed these posts and that they were encouraging to you. I will miss your blog. Although I haven’t commented, I’ve been reading. Commenting from my phone is difficult and that is usually where I am reading from. Hugs!

      Reply
  5. Stephanie

    Thanks for the post! I will send the link to encourage mom’s today.

    In part two… I think mom’s struggling with little ones in the Church is such a beautiful thing. I KNOW this NOT seem beautiful to mom’s hurting with the struggle. When we came into the Orthodox Church our youngest was four. We were past so many of the struggles of the little ones. He would actually fall asleep in my arms every Liturgy. Our struggle was to have him stay awake and then eventually learn to stand. Now at 10, it is to have some kind of attention to the service. He usually walks from godparents back to us, to extinguish candles at the candle stand, to check the temp on the wall, run to the bathroom, etc. We try to limit his moving, but knowing him we do not extinguish this need to move. He will eventually serve in the altar and we will put that energy to use.
    I had it easier than most mom’s though. I was in the Protestant church and LIVED in the nursery when we had little ones. They cried, they were whisked off away from the congregation. I see a beautiful thing now. A Church growing and learning to love each other. Godparents, sponsors offering help with the little ones. Children staying WITH their parents and learning to worship God. A learning at a young age of Communion with God and each other. A beautiful thing.

    Reply
  6. Pingback: On These Things | Be As A Light

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *